Heroes Abridged: With Commentary, Generations
by Anonymius
Summary: Sequel to Heroes Abridged: With Commentary, Genesis. Season Two of 'Heroes' abridged and parodied, with commentary by the Commentator, Professor and Sammy the Slug.
1. Four Month Old Lizards

**I do not own 'Heroes' or anything related.**

* * *

_Previously on Heroes Abridged (With Commentary):_

Man: Help! I'm trapped under rubble! Isn't there anyone to save me?

(The door is smashed down. Coming through is a masked girl in a cheerleader styled superhero costume)

Masked Girl: I'll save you!

Man: -Who are you?

Masked Girl: Ah, I'm glad you asked. I am Resurrection Girl, cheerleader by day, crimefighter by night!

Man: But it's daylight outside!

Ressurection Girl: Look, do you want to be rescued, or not?

Man: Yes please.

* * *

Copycat: Look out world, cos there's a new superhero in town, and his name is Copycat! UP UP AND AWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! (Crashes into a car below) Okay. I admit. That could have gone better.

* * *

Woman: Help! Somebody help me!

Mindcop: I'll save you! I am the brilliant Mindcop! I can read and anticipate your every move!

Mugger: Yeah? And what good's that in a fight-GAK!

Mindcop: I also have a gun.

Woman: (Running away) Thanks Officer Parkman!

Mindcop: Wait, what no! I'm the brilliant Mindcop!

Woman: Suuuuure you are!

* * *

Oracle: Oh it's so terrible! The world is going to end! So terrible, terrible, terrible! Did I mention how terrible it's gonna be?

Simone: Yes! Several times! Here's an idea. How about instead of moaning about how terrible the future is going to be why don't you try to stop what's coming to pass like all the other precogs on TV?

Oracle: I did not understand a word you just said.

* * *

Crook: Look out! It's the Fantastic Four!

Herculanea: No no no, we're the Tremendous Three! The clue is in how many we are.

* * *

Asclepius: Curses! Another one of my heists have been foiled by the Tremendous Three! Still, they cannot stop my diabolical plans to bring world peace! Mwahahaa! Mwahaha! MWAHAHAAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

* * *

Mohinder: I believe that all these superheroes are the next stage of evolution. Believe it!

Student: We don't want to.

Mohdiner: aww, please?

Student: No.

Mohinder: I'll be your friend.

Student: Only if you state the right amount of percentage of the brain a person uses!

* * *

Clockwork: Mwahahahaaa! I am the villainous Clockwork! Fear my zombie styled appetite!

* * *

Chronos: The world's in danger! And by the world, I mean New York. Come Average Joe! We must save the world!

Ando: I'd really wish that you'd stop calling me Average Joe-

Chronos: We must Vamoosh!

VAMOOSH

* * *

Audrey: Mindcop! You must help me catch the superhero killer Clockwork!

Mindcop: Okay!

* * *

Future Chronos: Copycat, the Resurrection Girl's in danger. She needs to be saved in order to save the world.

Copycat: And out of all the superheroes in the world you're coming to me?

Future Chronos: Yeah, I know. I'm kinda low on options here.

* * *

Resurrection Girl: Help! Somebody save me even though I'm a superhero and I should be able to defend myself!

Copycate: I'll save you!

Resurrection Girl: ….Help! Somebody useful save me even though I'm a superhero and I should be able to defend myself!

Copycat: Oh come on! I can take him!

(Resurrection Girl and Clockwork look at each other)

Resurrection Girl and Clockwork: HAHA! HAHA! HAHAHAHAAHA-!

Copycat: I'm serious, I can beat him!

Clockwork: Oh stop it, you're killing me!

Resurrection Girld and Clockwork: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH-

Clockwork: GAK!

Ressurrection Girl: -Oh! You did beat him after all! I guess you're not as useless as everyone thinks? As long as you're not using your powers, that is.

* * *

Copycat: WAAH! Oh, I had a horrible premonition that I blow up New York! I must flee civilization and never come back!

Everyone: HOORAY!

* * *

Flying Man: Copycat! You must come with me! It is the only way!

Copycat: No Flying Man! I must defy all logic and refuse any help given to me!

Flying Man: Okay seriously Pete, it's crap like this why people say you suck as a superhero!

Copycat: I don't suck! I'm just misunderstood that's all!

* * *

Copycat: Oh great and aresholy Invisible Man! I come to you for help in order for me not to explode and kill everyone even though I have been given no indication that you will stop me from exploding.

(The Invisible Man calmly sips his tea)

Invisible Man: Sure, why not.

* * *

Invisible Man: And now I must suddenly leave the series, like other popular secondary characters on this show!

Copycat: Wait, you can't! You haven't finished teaching me how to draw out all my powers even though I've already done that!

* * *

Mohinder: Well I'm getting nowhere with this mutant hunting thing, but I'm sure fate will give me a break anytime soon.

(Silence)

Mohinder: Yep. Any minute now.

Fate: Look, I already gave you one break, and you turned it down faster than you can say 'Dana Scully', I'm not giving you another one!

Mohinder: AW, come on, please?

Fate: No.

Mohinder: Be your best friend.

Fate: NO! You had your chance and you blew it. Now any involvement you make will only make things worse!

Mohinder: Aw, nuts!

* * *

Nuclear Man: Mindcop! We must fight the company and make them pay for giving us these powers that we were born with!

Mindcop: Makes perfect sense to me!

* * *

Mindcop: FREEZE! We're here to punish you for giving us our powers!

HRG: But, you had your powers beforehand. That's how you knew no to trust Lethe.

Mindcop: -Oh. That's right. Um, whoops?

* * *

Mindcop: (In a cell) Well this could have gone better.

HRG: Don't worry, Mindcop. I have a plan. But we need to work together…

* * *

Lethe: Now that the Company knows your powers have awakened, I must take you away so that they will never find you.

Resurrection Girl: Well that's great and all but I think instead I shall double cross you and escape to New York to find Copycat.

* * *

Angela: Ressurection Girl. Your father never told you what happened to your grandmother.

Ressurection Girl: He told me enough! He told me-wait a minute which grandmother are you talking about, the one that apparently died or the one that lives in the county?

Angela: No. I am your grandmother.

Ressurection Girl: No. No. That's not true! That's impossible!

Angela: Search your feelings, you know it to be true.

Ressurection Girl: NOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

* * *

Asclepius: Join us, Flying Man, and together, we shall rule the world as, um, president and vice-president.

Flying Man: And how do you plan to conquer the world?

Asclepius: By instigating a catastrophe that destroys half of New York, which will usher in an era of world peace.

Flying Man: -That plan sounds awfully familiar.

Asclepius: I assure you our plan is a hundred percent original.

(Ozymendias and Bubastis are watching Asclepius and Flying on one of the viewing screens.)

Bubastis: Hey Boss! That guy completely stole your own idea to bring world peace!

Ozymendias: True, but don't worry Bubastis, we'll get back at them by updating our plan and stealing their exploding man idea, plus ours will happened across the world instead of blowing up the one city in the most hated country in the world.

* * *

HRG: We need to go to New York to take down their new tracking system!

Mindcop: Sounds like a plan!

* * *

Oracle: Hello, Clockwork, I've been expecting you.

Clockwork: Given that you're a precog, I was expecting that. But shouldn't you be trying to change your fate like most precogs?

Oracle: Unlike those guys I tend to just let the thing happen.

Clockwork: -Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight. I'm sure that would make an interesting TV show.

* * *

Future Chronos: Clockwork was the bomb, but I couldn't kill him because he had taken Ressurection Girl's ability, but now that he no longer has the ability he can be killed and the world will be saved.

Chronos: And you're sure that with Sylar gone, the world will be saved?

Future Chronos: Of course I'm sure! I'm the wise warrior achetypical character! We're never wrong!

* * *

Copycat: So this Nuclear Man has the power to destroy New York? So I must have somehow absorbed his power in the future! Well then, I must completely defy all logic and go to the person to gain the New York destroying power in the first place!

* * *

Ghost: Oh no! Our son's been kidnapped by the evil Asclepius!

Herculea: We have to go save him!

* * *

Herculea: Oh my God! Our entire lives have been nothing but a part of this diabolical scheme!

Asclepius: MWAHAHAHA! Yes it is true. I've manipulate your lives so you could marry and have a child just so I could rig an election.

Ghost: And you couldn't think of any simpler ways to do it?

Asclepius: No apparently. Now watch as I kill the woman you love.

Ghost: Like Hell you will!

Asclepius: GAK!

* * *

Mindcop: I won't let you kill this kid!

HRG: I don't care.

Mohinder: I won't let you kill this kid either!

HRG: Okay I give in.

* * *

Clockwork: And now, Copycat, let us begin the greatest superpowered battle ever portrayed on national television. FORCE STRANGLE!

Copycat: GAK! Oh no! You've attacked the part of my body that makes me useless!

Clockwork: Oh my God are you kidding me? I mean you've got all these powers, more than me, and all you can do is float there helpless? What's the matter with you?

Mindcop: CLOCKWORK! TAKE THIS!

Clockwork: And you know that I can just stop bullets with my mind, why bother shooting me? AGGGGGGGGH! Stop annoying us with your stupidity and abrasive attitude and die!

Mindcop: GAK!

Clockwork: Sigh, is there anyone in this show who actually has a BRAAAAAAAAIN?

Herculea: Nope. HERCULEA SMASH!

Clockwork: OWIE.

Copycat: Now I have the power to defeat you, Clockwork! Copycat Pummel!

* * *

Copycat: I did it. I SAVED NEW YORK, WOOHOO! For once in my life I did something-(Notices glowing hands) Whoops. Hehe. Turns out I was the bomb after all.

Herculea: Well, looks like Copycat screwed up again.

Ghost: What a surprise.

Chronos: CLOCKWORK!

Clockwork: You! GAK!

Chronos: Yatta! I have saved New York City! I have stopped the exploding man!

Copycat: Actually it turned out that I'm the exploding man.

Chronos: -Oh. Right. Um. Whoops. But that can't be! Future Chronos told me it was Clockwork and wise warriors are never wrong!

Copycat: Apparently they are if they're you.

Chronos: Well don't worry, I just need to stab you and AAAAAAAAAH!

Clockwork: Heh heh. Looks like Chronos is blasting off again. BLEAH.

VAMOOSH

Copycat: Ressurrection Girl! Do it! It's the only way!

Resurrection Girl: No! I can't kill my own uncle even though you can just come back from the dead afterwards after the bullet's removed.

Flying Man: Fear not, people of New York. I will clean up the mess!

Technoboy: Yay! It's Flying Man!

Everyone: Flying Man, Flying Man, does whatever a pigeon can, he can soar, from a roof, no time to talk, cos he's aloof, look up! There flies the Flying Man!

Flying Man: Copycat, come with me. It's no everyone only way to save everyone.

Copycat: No, Flying Man! I must completely defy all logic and reject your attempts to save New York-

Flying Man: OH FOR GOODNESS SAKE, MAN, STOP DEFYING ALL LOGIC AND USE YOUR COMMON SENSE FOR ONCE!

Copycat: Kay.

* * *

Mohinder: And so, we say goodbye to Flying Man and Copycat, who will never, ever come back.

Ressurection Girl: Um, wasn't Copycat supposed to survive exploding? I'm pretty sure that was mentioned several-

Mohinder: Ever, ever come back.

* * *

_-Or something like that. And now, on Heroes…_

* * *

_Meanwhile in Cairo, a Bishop has met up with Mohinder in order to turn him to the morally ambiguous side of the Force._

Bishop: A group of enlightened mutants, including myself, from across the globe joined together in order to save the world.

Mohinder: And what, most of you happened to be American?

Bishop: Hey, we had a Japanese person in our group as well! And a Brit! Two possibly.

Mohinder: Yes, two non-Americans, two against like a dozen, that completely makes it a multi-national group! So what were you like the X-men or something?

Bishop: Close. We were the I-men.

* * *

_Victim: Help me! Someone with a gun is trying to take my purse!_

_Superhero: Stop, villainous fiend! Unhand that poor woman!_

_Mugger: Who are you supposed to be?_

_Superhero: I'm glad you asked! My name is Parasite!_

_Superheroine: And I'm Sybil!_

_Asclepius: Asclepius!_

_Midas: Midas!_

_Analyser: Analyser!_

_Nightmare: Nightmare!_

_The Immortal: The Immortal!_

_Superheroine: And a whole load of heroes who's powers haven't been revealed yet!_

_Parasite: And together, we are-_

_I-men: (Dramatic pose) THE I-MEN!_

_Mugger: Wh-what are you gonna do to me?_

_Immortal: We're going to defeat you with our numerous superpowers! CHARGE!_

_(The I-men are about to advance, then stop.)_

_Mugger: Why have you stopped?_

_Sybil: I've just realised, all I can do is see the future in my dreams. It's not really a combative power._

_Asclepius: Well don't look at me! All I can do is heal! Which should be useful later on._

_Midas: I could possibly turn his gun into gold, rendering it useless (Mugger points the gun at him) Or I could just stand here._

_Nightmare: I can read minds! I could possibly predict his every move…although in terms of actually defeating him it's pretty useless._

_Parasite: All I can do is take powers- but none of yours would be useful in this situation._

_Sybil: Plus none of us would want to give you our powers._

_Immortal: Why did I recruit you specific people again?_

_Mugger: Well what can you do?_

_Immortal: I, lowly mortal, can instantly heal from any wound inflicted upon me!_

_Mugger: Is that all?_

_Immortal: …Yeah, pretty much._

_Mugger: Hey you! What's your power._

_Analyser: I have the power to predict the future by analysing all the variables and ignoring all those that have no relevance._

_Sybil: So basically in terms of 'Harry Potter', I have a Divination style of telling the future, whereas he's the arithmancer._

_Analyser: Exactly. Wait what, 'Harry Potter'?_

_Sybil: You'll get that reference in about thirty years. Trust me._

_Mugger: So what do you predict?_

_Analyser: I predict that you'll shoot all of us, and get away with the woman's purse._

* * *

Mohinder: Wow. And I thought Peter sucked as a superhero!

Bishop: I know. So after that botched up incident, we realised that we needed to recruit mutants who could actually fight. Then in the eighties corporations were all the rage, so we traded our spandex for suits.

_Meanwhile in New York Nathan is grieving over the apparent death of his brother even though it had been stated that he couldn't die._

Angela: Peter's gone, Nathan, you killed your brother.

Nathan: I thought he couldn't die? Also, how did me stopping him from blowing up New York result in him dying?

Angela: Because shut up.

Nathan: I mean if I miraculously survived a nuclear explosion that should have killed me at least from the radiation exposure when I don't even have regenerative abilities, then surely Peter did!

* * *

Chief: It's a miracle that you survived being shot five times in the chest. Seriously, the doctors said that should have killed anyone else! Someone must like you up there. A whole staff of them!

Matt: I think it was actually millions out there that convinced the staff to save me.

Commentator: Who on Earth could possibly like this guy?????

* * *

Teacher: I don't think you are an appropriate guardian for Molly.

Matt: Huh? Why?

Teacher: Because you're too poor, that's why. And everyone knows that the wealthier you are the happier and more stable the household is!

_Meanwhile in 17th Century Japan, Hiro comes face to face with his hero._

Hiro: Hey, wait a minute! You're not Japanese!

Kensei: What are you talking about? I'm as Japanese as you!

Hiro: Dude, yeh've got white skin, blond hair, and blue eyes. You couldn't be less Japanese!

Kensei: That never stopped Naruto Uzumaki or Joey Wheeler.

Commentator: Oi! No breaking the fourth wall, you!

Kensei: Huh? Why?

Commentator: Cos in a serious live action series like this it's tacky, that's why!

* * *

Claire: Hey, you got a minute?

Nathan: How did you get this number?

Claire: I'm not entirely sure. Possibly around the same time I found out you weren't dead. I need someone to whine to about how I can't use my powers and act like myself-hello?

(West is seen spying on Claire, then flies away)

Commentator: Whoa whoa whoa whoa, hold on for a sec. THAT'S the 'really cool power' Claire's future boyfriend has? The power of flight? That's not a cool power! That's a really, really, corny power! Why do you think Clark Kent never flies on Smallville?

Professor: Well what would you consider a cool super power?

Commentator: How about generating electricity? Now THAT'S a cool super power!

Professor: Then you'll like one the upcoming new heroes…

Commentator: The what now?

Professor: (Groan) Mutants.

* * *

Tuko: Where are the ipods you stole from us?

Peter: Whoa whoa whoa hold on for the sec. You guys seriously believe, that I stole your ipods, then chained myself half naked in the crate, sending me to your mercy?

Ricky: Um, yes?

(Awkward silence)

Peter: You guys aren't very bright, are you?

Ricky: You're surprisingly intelligent.

Peter: Just because I don't remember anything, doesn't mean I'm dumb.

_Meanwhile in Ireland, Peter uses his abilities to escape and save Kaitlen_.

Commentator: Wait hold on, I thought he needed to remember the people in order to use their abilities? How's he supposed to do that if he can't remember any of them?

_Meanwhile in Ireland, Ricky convinces Peter to go along with their heist in exchange for some clues to his past._

Peter: Well, even though I could just take the information from you with my numerous powers, I'll go along with your heist. After all, taking away what belongs to someone else and being an accessory to bodily harm justifies satisfying my own personal desires, right? Right?

* * *

_Meanwhile in Haiti, Mohinder has tracked down the Haitian in order to cure him of a virus._

Haitian: I do not want your cure. I am confident that this is punishment from the benevolent God for unspecified wrong doings I have committed.

Commentator: Hoo boy. Another fanatic. Want me to convert him to liberalism? I can think of a number of passages from the Bible!

Mohinder: No, I got this one. I believe that God sent me to you in order to heal you.

Haitian: God? Aren't you a Hindu?

Mohinder: What's your point?

Haitian: I thought Hindus believe in many gods?

Mohinder: Actually most Hindus believe that all the gods and goddesses are just representations of the supreme power Brahman, which is sort of like God, so in that sense Hinduism has a kind of monotheistic system.

Haitian: But, wouldn't calling Brahman God be describing it which goes against the concept that Brahman is indescribable which is what the gods and goddesses are for?

Mohinder: …True… On the other hand, Mahadeva, which means 'the Great God', can also be translated to mean 'God'.

Haitian: So, which Hindu deity do you consider God then?

Mohinder: I don't know, Vishnu, Shiva, the Great Goddess, look I come from a fictional India where Chennai's still called Madras, where everyone speaks English on a daily basis and where I suspect the crew, instead of filming in the actual Chennai, filmed in a different Indian city to give Madras a "stereotypical Indian feel so that people could connect better", do you really expect me to be authentically Indian?

_Meanwhile in Honduras, two new characters, twins Maya and Alejandro, have just gotten over the border. Maya has the power to kill anyone nearby, whereas Alejandro holds the vaccine. Having just accidentally killed their nanny, Alejandro uses his power to bring her back to life._

Nidia: You two are evil! (To Alejandro) Especially you! How dare you bring me back from the dead! How dare you! (Runs away)

_Meanwhile in 17th century Japan, in order to fix the timeline (Apparently), our Hiro has impersonated his hero Kensei in order to rescue the princess._

Bandit 1: Why is he referring to himself in the third person?

Hiro: Is it that weird? Couldn't I just have a big ego?

Bandit 2: That's plausible, I guess, it just seemed odd for some reason, that's all.

* * *

Yaeko: Oo look, a deer!

Hiro: Father always said that deer were messengers of God.

Yaeko: God? I thought us Japanese were generally polytheistic?

Hiro: -Oops. Forgot that before the West penetrated Japan everyone believed in many gods.

Yaeko: -What are you talking about, even in the present day monotheists only make up-

Commentator: NO BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL! Even if your fact is pretty valid.

_Meanwhile in Costa Verde, Claire is experimenting with her powers by cutting off her toe, only for it to grow back again._

Claire: Hey it worked! And now I'm instantly regretting my action. I was quite attached to that toe. I've had it all my life.

Commentator: (Pats her on the shoulder) There, there, Claire, I know how you feel. We're all attached to our toes.

(Claire notices that West is outside)

Claire: Er, was there any chance he didn't see that?

* * *

Claire: Hey, where did he go?

Mr Muggles: Ruff! RUFF! RUFF! (Barks at the sky)

Claire: Hmm. I wonder why Mr Muggles is barking upwards? Unless of cos West can fly and is above us right now…. Huh. I'm sure it's nothing.

_What will happen now that West knows Claire's secret? Can Hiro set the timeline right, or end up creating the history that he knows? And will Peter discover his past? Find out next time on 'Heroes Abridged (With Commentary)'!_

**P.S. I do not own Ozymendias, Bubastis or anything related.**


	2. The Kindred of Strangers

**I do not own 'Heroes' or anything related.**

**

* * *

**

Commentator: Welcome back my normal and hero wannabe friends to the latest installment of Heroes Abridged (With Commentary). Before we begin let's take a look at the reviews you've sent us. PROFESSOR! OPEN THE SHOOT!

(The Professor does so, and out pops two envelopes)

Commentator: Right then! Our first review is from Yinyang13:

YAY! The second one! Thank you for writing this. I really like all the jokes.

Commentator: Wow, really? All of them? Well that's always good to hear!

Professor: Our second review is from Queenoftheoutlands:

Gah, lol. The nicknames are hillarious! Its good to see this little series of crazy fun is back :)  
BRAINS!

Professor: We're also glad that our veteran readers have been able to find this sequel. One of our main concerns is that some of our readers can't find them.

Commentator: And with that out of the way, here's 'The Kindred of Strangers'!

* * *

Sylar: Ooooh…What happened?

Candice: Oh, you got stabbed and went through several operations in order to save your life. It's a miracle that you survived.

Sylar: Er, no it isn't. It had been shown several times in this series that I can survive normally mortal wounds.

Candice: I doubt it.

Sylar: Oh no? Take a look at these!

* * *

Matt's Gun: BANG!

Sylar: GAK!

* * *

Sylar: BRAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIII-(Hits the ground) GAK!

* * *

HRG's Gun: BANG!

Sylar: GAK!

* * *

Sylar: Honestly I'd be surprised if the viewers weren't surprised that a sword made a difference. Seriously how was a sword supposed to kill me when bullets and concrete couldn't?

_Meanwhile at Las Vegas, Niki and Micah pay their final respects to D.L. before setting off to New Orleans._

Commentator: Oh you've got to be kidding me! Sylar survives getting stabbed through the chest, Matt survives five bullets to the chest, even Nathan survives a nuclear explosion, but D.L. died from a wound that didn't seem that mortal?

Professor: I guess the only logical solution is that he was killed after that incident.

Commentator: I know, I just wanted to point out the ludicrousy of the implication that he died from the gunshot he received at the end of Season 1.

_Meanwhile in Ireland, Peter helps Ricky and his gang with their heist._

Peter: You're not going to kill the guards?

Ricky: Hey, we may be crooks, but we have some kind of code of honour!

Peter: That's fine and all, but if you're not planning to kill them, shouldn't you at least keep your faces masked?

Ricky: …

Peter: I stand by my previous statement. You guys aren't very bright thieves.

_Meanwhile in seventeenth__ century Japan, Hiro helps Kensei come to terms with his powers after turning out to be a hero._

Commentator: AHEM!

_Sigh, mutant._

Commentator: That's better!

_You know, mutant isn't really accurate either, given that most of our heroes inherited their abilities from their parents, and a mutation is something unique to the person. Wouldn't metahuman be more appropriate?_

Commentator: (Considers this) I suppose it would. Just DO NOT use the term hero. I accept it for the main characters, just not every mutant.

Kensei: But where do these powers come from?

Hiro: Some say they're from God. Others say it's the result of evolution. Of course some would say that God and evolution aren't that incompatible but try telling that to the fanatics and secular-

Kensei: Okay, sorry for breaking the fourth wall here, but first of all, this is the seventeenth century. Am I going to have any idea what evolution is? And secondly, God? I thought all you Japanese were filthy heathens? Apart from the minority that is.

Hiro: Oh really? If we're not monotheists, then why does this Japanese song include 'God' in its lyrics?

(The fourth line of 'Mountain A Go Go Too' appears)

Kensei: You do realise that the word 'kamisama' can be equally translated as 'gods', don't you?

Hiro: …Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh! That actually makes more sense.

Adam: What, you didn't find it the least bit odd that a Japanese song mentioned God when most Japanese are polytheists?

Hiro: No, apparently.

_Meanwhile in seventeenth century Japan, Hiro prepares Kensei to become a hero._

Hiro: Now you must fight and defeat the Ninety Angry Ronin!

Kensei: -Weren't they the villains the Bride killed in 'Kill Bill vol.1'?

Hiro: No, they were the Crazy Eighty-Eight. They're often confused.

_Meanwhile in Costa Verde, after discovering Claire's ability, West reveals his._

West: I'm the Flying Man!

Claire: -What?

West: You know? Flying Man, Flying Man, does whatever a pigeon can. He can soar, from a roof-

Nathan: Okay, seriously how the Hell does HE know about that song?

Commentator: Hey! Revealing knowledge you couldn't possibly know is one thing, but breaking into scenes you don't belong in is another!

Nathan: But-but-

Commentator: (Takes out a stick) Get the Hell-back in the wall! (Ushers him with it)

Nathan: Okay, okay! I was just wondering!

Commentator: It was posted on the Internet.

Nathan: …Yeah, that would do it.

_Meanwhile in Ireland, the heist is a success, but Ricky's brother Will turns on him only to be stopped by Peter, who almost kills him._

Peter: I don't think I want to find out about my past. After what I nearly did to Will makes me think that I might have been some kind of sociopathic killer.

Caithlin: I don't suppose it ever occurred to you that it's more likely that you were intoxicated with your powers having no memory of gradually learning them rather than getting them in one go?

Peter: That's more plausible. But I'm going by the former answer in order to lengthen the plot more.

_Meanwhile in New Orleans, Nikki and Micah have arrived in order for Nikki to drop Micah off with his relatives while she goes with the Company to be cured._

Micah: Okay, explain to me how these people are related to us again?

Nikki: It's simple, Micah. They're your father's third cousin's uncle's roommate's cousins twice removed. Either that or our dogs are brothers.

Micah: We don't have a dog.

Nikki: Then it's the first thing I said.

_Meanwhile in Brazil, Candice tells Sylar that she will take care of him._

Sylar: You do realise that I'm a serial killer who targets people like you, right?

Candice: Sure, but I think I've got you under control.

Sylar: (Grabs a mug) I doubt it.

Mug: GAK!

Candice: Oof!

Sylar: BRAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINS!

* * *

Sylar: So this is how you really look. That certainly explains all that talk you said before about how the world is wrong because it's full of people who judge you because you're different. Wait a minute, how could you possibly maintain an illusion while unconscious? Further more why did you just revert to another illusion after Niki knocked you out instead of your true form? Sigh. All these unnecessary plot holes are going to be the cancellation of 'Heroes' one day. They must really think so lowly of their viewers.

_Unfortunately Sylar discovers that he can no longer take abilities, and journeys throughout Latin America, collapsing in front of a car driven by Maya and Alejandro._

Commentator: Okay, how exactly did Sylar manage to walk all the way from Brazil to Mexico within under an episode?

Maya: Alejandro! I believe this man is an angel from God sent to help us!

Alejandro: You got that just because his name is Gabriel? Maya, loads of people are named after angels and saints and significant people from the bible. Many people even have the same name as Jesus, it doesn't mean that they're anything like them!

_Meanwhile in New Orleans, Micah's cousin Monica Dawson takes out a robber._

Café Owner: Whoa! Monica! Where did you learn a move like that?

Monica: -TV?

Café Owner: Monica, that has got to be the lamest cover up for knowing martial skills.

Monica: No seriously, I actually learnt it by watching television!

Café Owner: ..Seriously? Wow, who would have thought you could learn martial arts just by watching it on TV? I've gotta go home and watch a marathon of Kung Fu movies!

Professor: Hey, what gives? What's with all the southern accents?

Commentator: Erm, maybe it's because New Orleans is situated in the South?

Professor: Actually Sir the accent of New Orleans is distinct from the rest of the South.

Commentator: -Oh. Really? I knew that. I was just testing you.

_Meanwhile in New York, while investigating the murder of Kaito Nakamura and an attack on Angela Petrelli, Matt Parkman finds a photo including both people as well as his dad. When he asks Molly to locate his dad, she freaks out._

Matt: Wait, this is the Nightmare Man? Huh. With the emphasis on the eyes and him saying "I Can see you!" I just assumed that it was Sauron the Great!

Mohinder: Wow. Another mutant whom it never occurred to to tell his or her child that they had powers and one day they would have powers as well! Honestly if I was a mutant, and had a child, I'd let that child know that one day she or he would have superpowers in order to prepare them rather than just keep my ability a secret and let the child grope in the dark not knowing what was happening to them, with the slight chance of them thinking someone else had given them these powers which itself would cause a lot of trouble, wouldn't you agree, Matt?

_Meanwhile in New York, Mohinder and Matt argue over whether to use Molly in locating Maury Parkman._

Matt: My desire to find my father is way more important than Molly's state of mind! Besides, it's not like he can trap her mind, is it?

* * *

Mohinder: Well what do you know? Her mind is trapped! Oh, if only we saw this coming-

Matt: Shut-up.

_Can Matt and Mohinder save Molly from the evil Maury Parkman? Will Monica expand her powers? And will Maya and Alejandro discover Sylar's true nature before it's too late? Find out next time on 'Heroes Abridged (With Commentary)'!_


	3. Fight the Line out of Time

**I do not own 'Heroes' or anything related.**

* * *

Commentator: Welcome back my normal and hero wannabe friends to the latest instalment of 'Heroes Abridged (With Commentary)'. Before we begin let's take a look at some of the reviews you sent us. Professor! Open the shoot!

(The Professor does so, and out pops two envelopes)

Commentator: Right then! Our first review is from Queenofthelands:

Yay! Hillarious as ever. Maya is a fool, as is Candice :) And that fourth wall is gonna crack pretty bad if these people continue at the rate they're going

Oh don't worry, we've been keeping an eye and maintaining the Fourth Wall. It should be fine, just as long as no one makes any more holes in it.

Professor: Our second review is from Silvershadow13:

Cool chapter! It's nice to see other people noticing all the plot holes... Anyway, please update soon!

Sylar: I like to think that all the BRAIIIIIIIIIIIIIINS have made me smarter than everyone else.

Commentator: Just wait until volume four when you'll be as dumb as everyone else. Anyhoo, here's the latest chapter, 'Fight the Line out of Time'!

* * *

_Meanwhile in Ireland, Caitlin attempts to persuade Peter to continue digging into his past._

Caitlin: What if people are looking for you?

Peter: Let them look.

Caitlin: What if beloved family members think you're dead?

Peter: Let them think I'm dead.

Caitlin: What if the world's about to end and you're crucial in stopping the Apocalypse?

Peter: Then let the world end!

* * *

Monica: Why did you tell me not to reveal the robber, allowing him to go free and rob some other joint?

Waitress: Because after he gets out many years later he'll come for you even though you could easily kick his ass!

* * *

Commentator: Wow! I don't think I've ever seen a U.S. city where white people are the minority.

Professor: Well Sir, at least seventy percent of New Orleans population is black.

Commentator: Then how come we don't see that many black people in 'A Street Car Named Desire'?

Professor: -Sir, that film was made during a time when racism still reigned, plus it was before the 'White Flight' in New Orleans.

Commentator: Oh really? _Then what's Double Jeapardy's excuse?_

Professor: -Come again?

Commentator: I'm just saying for a city where black people supposedly outnumber white people, they seemed to be just as much of a minority there as they are in any other city. I mean you wouldn't guess that by then from all the prominent white people that New Orleans; political leadership was in the hand of black people, would you? Seems sounds to me that it's not only the double Jeopardy clause they misrepresented in THAT movie!

Professor: -You've been waiting to trap me, haven't you?

Commentator: That I have! I mean it's like America was too embarrassed to portray a city where African Americans WEREN'T the impoverished minority and it's only after Hurricane Katrina where it's been reduced to an impoverished city that they feel comfortable portraying African Americans WHO ARE IN POVERTY.

Professor: What are you talking about Sir? Poverty has always been a huge issue in New Orleans!

Commentator: -Oh. Really? I thought New Orleans was a prosperous city before Katrina?

Professor: Only for students, I think.

Sammy: And Boss! They were probably all white because it was based in the French Quarter.

Commentator: THEY DIDN'T SOUND FRENCH TO ME! Besides the French Quarter has historically been populated by Creoles.

* * *

Elle: Hi there. Is Peter Petrelli here?

Ricky: Who's asking for him?

Elle: Oh. Me? I'm Ellectra.

Lightning Bolt: CRACKLE

Elle: Get it? Ellectra? Because my name is Elle, and I have electrical powers and a female name that sounds like 'electric' is 'Elektra', so I'm 'Ellectra'? Man. Corpses have no sense of humour!

* * *

_Meanwhile in New Orleans, Monica attempts to hone her mimicking abilities by watching Kung Fu movies._

Commentator: Okay, I've really got to point out that martial arts in movies don't really work in the real world, so there's really no point in learning them!

* * *

_Meanwhile in New York, Matt and Nathan track down Maury, who traps the two of them in their worst nightmares._

Janice: You'll abandon Molly just like you abandoned us.

Matt: No! I won't! Even if she were sent far away, I'd track her down and bring her back instead of completely forgetting about her and moving on with my life!

* * *

Matt: Nathan! Nathan! Wake up! WAKE UP!

Nathan: Bw-Wha? What happened?

Matt: Dad trapped us in our own nightmares. I was able to figure out what he had done and wake us up.

Nathan: -Wow. I'm impressed, Matt. I mean for a guy who thought a morally ambiguous organisation gave him his super powers AFTER using them, that was pretty good thinking.

Matt: Are people EVER going to let that go?

Nathan: Dude it was the most stupidest thing anyone could think. Of course we aren't!

* * *

_Meanwhile in Ireland, Elle is phoned up by her dad, Bob Bishop._

Elle: But Daddy, I'm so close into finding Peter, in fact he's just down the road, I can pick him up now-

Bob: No Elle. Even though you can catch that dangerous mutant now I want you to come home now.

* * *

_Meanwhile in Costa Verde, Claire and West decide to play a prank on the leading cheerleader._

Debbie: I'm telling you! A flying masked man killed one of the cheerleaders and chased after me-then I don't know what happened.

Cop 1: Well I find your story hardly believable.

Cop 2: Yeah! Everyone knows that Flying Man doesn't kill innocent people!

Cop 1: Wait what's this? Gasp, you've been drinking! Well that explains it!

Cop 2: You know, I don't think alcohol induces hallucinations, Sir.

Cop 1: It-ex-plains-it!

Cop 2: Yes Sir.

* * *

_Meanwhile in the Ukraine, Noah has tracked down his old mentor in the hopes of gaining access to a few Mendez paintings. After getting what he wanted, Noah decides to kill him._

HRG: Killing you and causing your wife and grandson tremendous grief justifies keeping my family safe. Plus it's not like the company will be able to track me whereas if I just had your mind erased it would be more difficult for us to be tracked!

* * *

_Meanwhile in Montreal, Peter and Caitlin are looking for clues as to Peter's past, and come to a room with a note from an Adam who warns Peter about the Company._

Caitlin: Adam? Company? What does it mean?

Peter: I don't know, but instead of trying to make sense of it I think I'll freak out instead.

* * *

_Meanwhile in seventeenth century Japan, Hiro kisses Kensei's love Yaeko, much to Kensei's dismay._

Kensei: RRAAAAGH! Carp, I am furious that you have betrayed me by stealing the woman I love and I want you to DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Hiro: That's understandable, but how about I ask you to unrealistically put aside your anger so that you can continue your destiny even though it was I who put you on that path and now by betraying you I have ripped away your only reason for being a hero?

Kensei: Okay.

Hiro: -Wow. That was surprisingly easy.

Kensei: NOT!

Hiro: Oh no! Kensei has suddenly betrayed me! And I didn't even see it coming!

Commentator: Wait-what-how could-you (Struggles with what Hiro has just said).

* * *

Bob: So, it's Nightmare who's behind all the attacks.

Mohinder: Nightmare? Wasn't he one of the I-Men from that flashback?

Bob: The very same. He hung up his costume years ago, metaphorically speaking.

* * *

_Meanwhile in Montreal, Peter accidentally teleports himself and Caitlin to the future, where he comes face to face with his mother._

Angela: Let me explain to you who you are and about your powers.

Peter: And instead of listening to you, I think I'll just freak out instead.

Angela: (Well hopefully your telepathy will spontaneously occur at the exact moment I'm wishing you to remember me and thinking about all our times together)

* * *

Bob: Adam was the one who brought us together in order to save the world. He was sort of like the Charles Xavier of our group.

Nathan: And is there a reason why most of the people he chose came from America?

Bob: Don't you know? The majority of mutants are concentrated in America for some reason!

Nathan: You know, you keep talking about how the Company was formed to save the world, but all I've seen you people do is experiment on your own kind.

Bob: I see. Yes, that assumption's perfectly understandable. So let me show you an example of how we've been like an organisation of superheroes!

Nathan: League or legion?

Bob: Shut up. Behold! We stopped a tsunami in Florida!

Nathan: O-kay. What else have you done?

Bob: (Taken aback) Well er- we er- we tried to bring world peace by a nuclear explosion in New York!

Nathan: Yeah, I know. And that turned out instead of saving the world to make it worse. And I still don't completely understand how you arranged all of that!

Bob: Well er, we er, ummm, stopped a tsunami in Florida?

Nathan: You've already used that one!

Bob: …Yeah, I've got nothing. To be honest we got so caught up in recruiting and trying to control the mutant population that we never really got around to saving the world that much.

* * *

Matt: I'm sorry, Molly. Instead of believing in myself and Bob and trying to extend my abilities, I'm just going to sit here and whine to you that I can't do it.

* * *

_Meanwhile in seventeenth century Japan, Hiro engages Kensei in an epic showdown._

Kensei: And now, Hiro, let us commence the most boring sword fight ever produced on national television!

_Can Hiro defeat the more experienced Kensei? Will Matt stop whining and try to save Molly? And will Peter actually save the world this time or end up destroying it like he did last time? Join us next time on 'Heroes Abridged (With Commentary)'!_


	4. Cautionary Tales Four Months Ago

**I do not own 'Heroes' or anything related.**

**

* * *

**

Commentator: Welcome back my normal and hero wannabe friends to the latest installment of 'Heroes Abridged (With Commentary)'. Before we begin let's take a look at some of the reviews you've sent us. PROFESSOR! OPEN THE SHOOT!

(The Professor does so, and out pops three envelopes)

Commentator: Right then! Our first review is from Queenofthelands:

Kensei is awesome, let me just say :)  
As is life and stuff  
Yeah. I'm rambling. Anyway: still awesome

No we were also fond of Kensei, and sad to see him go. In the most unnecessary fashion I have to point out!

Professor: Our second review is from Silversshadow13:

Another great chapter! I like how you pointed out Molly not being in the show for a while. Can't wait to read more!

Commentator: For a while? She comes back?

Professor: Only in the graphic novels.

Commentator: Oh right.

Sammy: Our third review is from Littlemisscheese:

It's nice to see other people spotting all the ridiculous plot holes in this show. I think you've really caught on to Peters characterisation "I think I'll just freak out instead!"  
Also I liked the watchmen reference, now I think about it the company totally did steal their evil plan from there.

Linderman and Ozymendias: IT WASN'T EVIL, IT WAS GOOD!

Commentator: Good? Dudes, (To Linderman) you tried to turn the world against your own kind in an attempt to bring unity by attacking the most populous city in America when that had already happened and led to the world becoming more fragmented than ever! (To Ozymendias) And you killed billions of lives with a giant squid just because you were too cynical about humanity!

Linderman and Ozymendias: ...Maybe...

Commentator: Well then, enjoy our latest chapter, 'Cautionary Tales Four Months Ago'!

* * *

Mohinder: Hi everyone! It's me, Mohinder the Narrator again! As Peter remembers everything that has happened to him four months ago, we are going to take the opportunity to explain everything that has happened to our heroes since the explosion, in order to tie up all the loose ends.

Commentator: Once again, this is something that would have been more appropriate at the beginning of a season rather than halfway through.

Mohinder: Shut up.

* * *

Peter: So it turns out I was never really in danger of exploding- I just emitted a lot of nuclear energy while my body remained intact. Huh. You would have thought that preliving that moment time after time for two weeks you would have noticed the difference between just emitting all this energy as opposed to your body actually blowing up, wouldn't you?

Cell neighbour: You would.

Peter: So apparently I've been locked down here for absolute stupidity.

Cell Neighbour: Huh. You have thought Matt Parkman would have wounded up in this place before you if that were the case.

Peter: -How do you know Matt Parkman?

Cell Neighbour: I heard that he's the dumbest character ever conceived on a live-action series. Plus I feel as though I've known him for years. Name's Adam, by the way.

* * *

Angela: Police have been looking over the sea, but they can't find him!

Commentator: Why would they be looking at the sea? Who do you think brought him in, or do you think Nathan just washed up at the hospital? Are you trying to cover up his disappearance or does lack of common sense run through your family?

* * *

_Meanwhile in Peter's cell, Adam helps him escape._

Peter: How did you know that I could pass through walls? More importantly, how could I do it if I don't know whom the ability originated from?

Adam: Do you want to stand there rationalising our series or do you want to get out of here?

* * *

_Meanwhile in Las Vegas, another personality of Niki emerges and takes over._

Niki: Oh no! I'm somehow trapped in this mirror! Hey, if my body's gone, then how can I still exist here?

* * *

Alejandro: Maya, first you said you killed them, now you're saying you didn't? Which is it?

Maya: If you recall, I said I THINK I killed them, not that I WAS CERTAIN that I killed them. Besides is it so implausible that I'm carrying some sort of disease that I'm immune to as well as you?

Alejandro: Possibly, but I'm going to stand by my belief that you're a killer. I want to help you, Maya.

Maya: By having me thrown into a Hell on Earth where chances are I'll come out worse than I was before I went in and away from the place I've found peace and where I have no chance of hurting anyone? How is that helping me?

* * *

Professor: And so, we finally know how they went on the run.

Commentator: Okay, I understand how they think Maya's a murderer, but how did Alejandro wind up accused? I mean he was the one who helped the police in the start for crying out loud! Also is it my imagination or does this series present Latin America as a single block?

Professor: What are you talking about?

Commentator: Well, these two first seen in Guatemala are actually from the Dominican Republic. And why would Maya go all the way to Venezuela to a convent instead of somewhere more local? If the crime was committed in the Dominican Republic, why were there wanted posters throughout Latin America? What when there's a fugitive in America do they post wanted posters throughout the English speaking world? Also why would local police be chasing people who committed a crime in another country? Shouldn't it have been agents from the republic sent to track them down? Also if they were born in the Dominican Republic, then what was their midwife doing in Guatemala? She must certainly be wealthy in order to travel across Latin America freely!

Professor: Okay, you do bring up good points, but I have to question some of them. When on the run from a murder charge, it makes sense to flee the country, and there are only so many countries to go to. Also when on the run, it makes sense to stay on land rather than go by ship or plane, so they were bound to go through Guatemala eventually.

Commentator: I guess. I just don't trust the geography of people who think that Chennai's still called Madras, that everyone in that region speaks English on a daily or casual basis, and where everyone in the world who are theists believes in only one God.

* * *

_Meanwhile in Las Vegas, D.L. is laid to rest._

Damon: Can I play with it? What?

Monica: Damon! You should know better than to ask to play with the last keepsake someone has from their recently deceased parent! Also, how would you play with a medallion?

Nana: Nice turnout here.

Niki: It truly is. Although I don't see his mum for some reason. That's weird.

Nana: Don't you know? She was killed by the Company. It's in the graphic novels and everything.

Niki: I don't read comic books.

Nana: No, no 'Graphic Novels'.

Niki: Sure, whatever you say, "Graphic Novels".

* * *

Adam: Remember everything, Peter?

Peter: Yeah, I do! But, why would I remember all this stuff that happened to other people where I wasn't around?

Adam: I think they were inserted in order to tie up any loose ends.

Mohinder: And there you have it folks. You finally get to see what happened to people between seasons.

Commentator: Not all of them.

Mohinder: Huh?

Commentator: What about Matt, and how he got separated from his wife? And how did Claire find out her dad was alive, let alone got his phone number?

* * *

_Meanwhile in Costa Verde, Noah captures Elle after she attempts to take the Bennets hostage. While tied up with feet in a bucket of water so that she can't use her power, Noah tells her that she was once an ordinary girl before her father experimented on her, increasing her power, which resulted in her becoming a sociopath given all the electricity in her brain._

Elle: But I thought I was just a killer because I have superpowers?

Noah: Yeah, our series has a far more mature mythos than 'Smallville'.

* * *

_Meanwhile in Japan, Hiro has returned to the present and has discovered that his father has been murdered. Instead of accepting his death, Hiro decides to travel to the past in order to save him._

Commentator: Hiro, Hiro, Hiro. Haven't your experiences with time travel taught you that you can't change the past? Every time you go into the past, you only end up fulfilling the present you know!

Hiro: Even so, I'm still going back in time to save my father.

Commentator: WAIT, WHAT? Didn't you listen to a word I just said?

_Meanwhile in the past, Hiro confronts his father in his attempt to save him._

Keito: I am sorry, Hiro. But just because you can do good with your powers doesn't mean you should.

Hiro: Why?

Keito: I would have thought that a trekkie like yourself would understand that preserving things with no consciousness are far more important than things that do.

Hiro: And like loads of those characters who preach the prime directive I can easily throw my ethics away when my personal desires get in the way.

Keito: Hiro, please try to understand, that just because these powers make us feel like gods, doesn't mean we should play God. Of course that's easy for me to say, my power wasn't exactly the most powerful of powers. But still you shouldn't play God.

Hiro: Okay, I've got to point this out. I've talked to a few people over the centuries, and they've brought up a few good points. What's with all these mentionings about God, aren't we Shintoists?

Keito: What's you point?

Hiro: God doesn't exist in Shintoism, at least not the monotheistic God of Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Sikhism, Bahai'ism, Rastafarianism, possibly Zoroastrianism and maybe other monotheistic faiths as well! We have Amateratsu and Susano and Inari and Tsuki-Yomi and-

Keito: We're Christians, Hiro. We practice a Christianity syncretic with Buddhism.

Hiro: -Oh. Really? Then what's Ando?

Keito: Also Christian syncretic with Buddhism.

Hiro: -So, everyone in Japan according to this world is Christian syncretic with Buddhism?

Keito: Why so surprised? Hiro, if these writers still think that Chennai's still called Madras, why not be aware that polytheism still exists in some parts of the world. Besides, the show's religious theme only has enough room for one god.

CRACK!

* * *

_Meanwhile in New York, Matt attempts to convince his boss to interrogate Angela Petrelli, who has been arrested for murder._

Matt: Oh come on! Don't you find it a little suspicious that she confessed right after she was attacked?

Fuller: Of course it's suspicious! It's obvious that she just confessed in order to be protected from the real killer! But once someone's confessed, the case is closed, despite the real killer being out there and free to kill again!

* * *

_Will Matt be able to convince his boss to interrogate Angela with the crafty jedi mind trick? Can Hiro save his father? Will Noah be able to protect his family? Find out: now! Yes. No. Kinda. But anyway, join us for the exciting conclusion of 'Heroes abridged (with Commentary): Generations!'_

* * *

**P.S. I do not own Ozymendias or anything related either.**


	5. Powerless Truths and Consequences

**I do not own 'Heroes' or anything related.**

**

* * *

**

Commentator: Welcome back my normal and hero wannabe friends to the final installment of 'Heroes Abridged, With Commentary: Generations'. Before we begin let's take a look at some of the reviews you've sent us. PROFESSOR! Open the shoot!

(The Professor does so, and out pops four envelopes.)

Commentator: Right then! Our first review is from Queenofthelands:

It's true. This series does rely too much on the graphic novels to give important backstory

Really? Well, right up to '1961' it probably does.

Professor: Our second review is from Silversshadow13:

Yay! That was funny as always. More plot holes pointed out aswell. I love the show but really, even though people who watch are normally into superabilities, there are some things that just don't make sense.  
This is one of the best lines yet! :

"Do you want to stand there rationalising our series or do you want to get out of here?"

Anyway, update soon!

Commentator: Yes, some people just don't seem to get that there are only a few things they'll suspend belief in.

Sammy: Our third review is from Petrelli Heiress:

"Plus I feel as though I've known him for years."  
Hehe.

Also, most Japanese are both Shintoists and Buddhists. Only a small percentage are Christians *facedesk* Oh, Heroes, I despair of you sometimes.

Anywho. THIS IS AWESOME.

That is all.

Commentator: Ah yes we're well aware of the fact that most Japanese are both Shintoists and Buddhists. We're sure that the writers also know this, we just find it odd how Hiro and Kaito keep mentioning God in a revering sense when God doesn't even exist in most Japanese belief. Anyway, our fourth and final review is from Jcogginsa:

Wait...what is kaito's power?

Kaito has the ability to analyse data, and make predictions out of it. This is how he's been able to make his company so successful by reading up on the stock market. This power is revealed in a deleted scene of 'Four Months Ago' when Kaito is reading a newspaper. Well that's everyone, so enjoy the final chapter, 'Powerless Truths and Consequences'!

* * *

_Previously on 'Heroes'…_

Claude: That's it! I'm leaving the series!

Peter: Wait, you can't! You're such a popular character!

Claude: I know. Don't worry Pete, the writers are in touch with the fans' desires, so unless some kind of writer's strike happens next year, you should see me some time next season!

_And now the thrilling conclusion._

(Someone is reading a newspaper with headline 'Writers Strike Forces Heroes Writing Staff To Cancel Heroes Season Two')

The Rider: DAMN YOU, WRITER'S GUILD OF AMERICA!

* * *

_Meanwhile in New York, Hiro returns Kaito to the present._

Hiro: Oh dear. In my attempts to save my father, I ended up being the reason why he was on that roof the whole time. Why is it that every time I go into the past I only end up creating the history as I know? Furthermore, why haven't I grasped this notion that instead of changing the past all I do is create the history that I know? Am I completely retarded that I haven't realised the obvious?

Commentator: Sadly yes.

Hiro: Oh. Oh well, I can use this time to find out who killed Father. GASP! Kensei? It can't be!

* * *

_Meanwhile in Montreal, Peter and Adam embark on a journey to stop the Company from (apparently) releasing a virus upon the world._

Peter: I have to stop the virus! It's the only way to save Caitlin!

Adam: (I'm surprised that it hasn't occurred to you that if you erase that future Caitlin will go with it!)

* * *

_Meanwhile in Tokyo, Hiro discusses with Ando as to what he has discovered._

Hiro: It seems that Kensei survived the explosion-which was bound to happen since he has regenerative abilities, however last time I checked he was a burnt corpse who looked like he wasn't going to regenerate any time soon.

* * *

_Meanwhile in New Orleans, Monica attempts to retrieve Micah's backpack, but runs into the crooks._

Monica: Oh no! Who would have thought that martial arts moves from movies designed to be exciting wouldn't work in the real world?

* * *

_Meanwhile in New York, Alejandro confronts Sylar and attempts to take Maya away from him, with tragic consequences._

Sylar: Now I shall do all the fans a favour and kill one of the most hated characters in all of 'Heroes'!

Knife: STAB

Alejandro: GAK!

Viewers: HOORAY!

Sylar: Hey, I actually got it right this time!

* * *

_Meanwhile in Japan, Hiro goes back in time in order to learn more about Kensei's role in the Company._

Hiro: Hey, this place looks a lot like something out of the 'X-Men'!

Analyser: Immortal! How dare you betray us all and attempt to destroy the world!

Immortal: This world is rotten! I was attempting to purify it!

Analyser: Whatever you say, Ra's Al Ghul.

* * *

_Meanwhile at Primatech, Hiro confronts Peter._

Hiro: Peter Petrelli! You must not trust Adam! He wants to destroy the world!

Peter: Hmm. Let's see, who to believe. A guy who's future self helped me save the world and has no reason to lie, or a guy I barely know who might be manipulating me and whom everyone keeps saying is trying to end the world whereas he tells me the Company are the ones trying to unleash the virus for no adequately explained reason. Well the logical choice is clear.

Hiro: Thank you!

Peter: I'm sorry Hiro, but I'm siding with Adam.

Commentator: WHAT? How was THAT the logical choice?

Professor: Sir, this is someone who, when finding out how he becomes the exploding man, instead of keeping away from Ted went straight towards him. Face it Sir, his logic is about as alien as Matt Parkman's.

Hiro: Oh well, time to charge at the electrical mutant armed with nothing but a sword. AAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Professor: Of course Hiro's isn't much better.

* * *

_Meanwhile in New York, Nathan and Matt tell Angela what they had discovered._

Angela: WHAT? PETER'S ALIVE?

Nathan: Whoa whoa wait a minute! You mean you seriously didn't know he was alive and held by the Company? But, you're a high standing member in the Company! You're a founder for crying out loud!

Angela: Apparently I'm not that important.

Matt: So you seriously believed that Nathan just somehow ended up in the hospital, and no one pointed out a guy who was covered in soot brought him there?

Angela: Apparently so.

* * *

Adam: Hiro? But I thought you left for no clear reason?

Hiro: Seeing Nathan Petrelli has somehow boosted my confidence!

Adam: Uhuh.

Hiro: I will not let you destroy the world!

Adam: There is no end to war. I shall create a new world with me as God. And just as God cleansed the world with the deluge, I shall cleanse the world with the virus.

Hiro: Okay, that line of logic of yours is just about as flawed as the Company's plan for world peace from the last volume. I can see a number of errors in it.

Adam: WHAT! That's impossible! My plan is flawless! What could be wrong with it?

Hiro: Well first of all really? War is as frequent as it was say three hundred years ago? Or perhaps two hundred a thousand years ago? Even say tens of thousands of years ago?

Adam: -Ummmmmmm, yes?

Hiro: Perhaps you haven't lived long enough. Secondly, God was able to save the just from the deluge, you're planning to kill people indiscriminately whether they're good or bad, heck if anyone does survive this virus who's to say that they'll be the peace loving people you expect them to be? And thirdly, you're not a god.

Adam: With these powers, aren't we?

Hiro: NO! Dude, gods are omnipotent, niscient and present, you're just immortal, heck, Peter is closer to a god than you!

Adam: Peter? But gods are intelligent, and he's stupid!

Hiro: I said closer, I never said he was a god.

* * *

Matt: Peter, you have to listen to me! Adam is evil!

Peter: I don't believe you!

Nathan: Peter, you have to listen to me! Adam is evil!

Peter: …OH MY GOD! WHAT HAVE I DONE? (Runs away)

Matt: Okay, how is it that we both said the exact same thing but he only believed you?

Nathan: I'm his older brother. He's been indoctrinated to believe anything I say from birth.

Matt: -So, if you were to tell him at a young age that there were monsters in his closet and under his bed-

Nathan: That was fun until he was twenty-five.

* * *

Adam: It doesn't matter if you think my plan is flawed or hasn't been thought through or that it's been coloured by my own sense of self-importance! I have my sword at your neck, preventing you from doing anything to stop me, and there is nothing you can do to-

Hiro: Time to teleport you away.

Adam: NO! Sudden hand movements! My one weakness! Oh well, I still have time to drop the vial. Mwahahaha. Mwahahaha! MWAHAHAHAHAHAA-

VAMOOSH.

(Peter sees the falling vial)

Peter: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

(And stops it from smashing with his telekinesis.)

Peter: Phew! Stopped the vial. That could have lead to another volume!

Nathan: Pete! What happened! Did Adam release the-(Stops and sees Peter holding the vial) Did you just save the world?

Peter: That I did!

Nathan: -Oh wow! Well that was-unexpected.

Peter: No need to sound too shocked, Nath.

Nathan: Oh I'm sorry Pete, I'm just-confused, that's all. I mean, you don't save the world! You end up being the cause of the Apocalypse in your efforts to stop it!

Matt: What happened! Where's Adam?

Nathan: I'm not too sure. He's disappeared. Although that and the fact that Hiro's gone too doesn't worry me.

Matt: DAMNIT! I was THIS close to having an Alias reunion!

CRACK

Matt: So, what's been happening?

Nathan: Peter just saved the world.

Matt: -Whoa wait, are you kidding me?

Nathan: Nope.

Matt: You're not serious?

Nathan: I know, it's bizarre, isn't it!

Matt: It sure is! Do you think perhaps that some kind of writers strike happened in the real world forcing them to halt 'Heroes' season 2 midway and cancelling the second volume that would have focused around the virus?

Nathan: It's the only explanation!

Peter: Oh come now! Do you really think the writers hate me that much that they wouldn't have me save the world when they want to?

(Matt and Nathan look at him)

Matt and Nathan: HAHA! HAHA! HAHAHAHA!

Matt: Seriously now look at this place! A pack of cards? Clearly these people are pure evil!

Nathan: There's only one way to stop them. We have to expose the Company, and to do that, we have to reveal to the world the existence of metahumans.

Peter: I agree. So let's openly talk about our plan in spite of any security that's around.

Security Guard: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK

Ando: Hiro! What happened?

Hiro: Somehow teleporting gave me a chance to overpower Kensei, and put him in a coffin.

Ando: You put him in a coffin?

Hiro: Yep. In an undisclosed location. So we'll likely never see him again.

CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK

Nathan: Hey Pete, not that it isn't nice to have you around, but shouldn't you-you know-be rescuing an Irish girlfriend from the future right about now? I mean it's not lilke there's anything important for you to do right now!

Peter: I know me being here makes no sense, given that the apocalyptic future isn't around anymore, but I'll go rescue her once you've made your speech, heck, it isn't like I'm going to forget all about her by the next episode or something!

CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK

Nathan: Attention everyone, there has been an outbreak of a virus that threatens to wipe out everyone- oh wait sorry, hehe, that was the old speech (Throws it away), ahem, now everyone, I just wanted to say that-WAAH! Who-who is that guy with the giant face looking at us?

(All turn around)

Peter: AAH! I see him too!

Matt: Me three!

Reporter: Didn't a wall use to be there?

Commentator: A wall? Uh oh. Tell me something, guys. This giant face, does it look like it belongs to a guy in his early twenties, with messed up hair and an unkept beard?

Peter: No his hair looks pretty tamed, and I'd say he looks like he's almost in his mid-twenties.

Commentator: (They can see Anonymius! This is bad! There's only one way they could possibly see Anonymius!)

Professor: (Don't worry Sir, I'll handle this!) Ahem. Attention everyone. Please remain calm, and leave the world in orderly-

Sammy: THE FOURTH WALL! THE FOURTH WALL IS COLLAPSING!

Peter: Huh? The Fourth Wall?

Commentator: The barrier between your world and the real world!

Nathan: But why is it collapsing?

Commentator: All of your breaking the fourth wall, that's why!

CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK

Peter: And what happens when the fourth wall collapses?

CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK

Commentator: Imagine a wall of tank being smashed.

CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK

Peter: -Oh. Right.

CRUMBLE

Heroes characters: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

* * *

Peter: Wh-where am I?

* * *

Hiro: What is this place?

* * *

Nathan: -And why are those people staring at me?

* * *

_Our Heroes find themselves lost and scattered throughout the real world. Will they be able to cope like fish out of water? And will they ever find their way back home? Find out-Never!_

Commentator: What?

ONE EPIC TALE LATER.

Commentator: WAIT, WHAT?

Nathan: Well. Glad that's all over.

Commentator: ANONYMIUS WHAT IS THIS?

**Sorry, Com. I couldn't think of anything really to do with that plot. It seemed so boring that I decided to skip it.**

Commentator: DAMN YOU ANONYMIUS! DAMN YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

**However I will be giving people the opportunity to write what had happened.**

* * *

Nathan: Now where was I? Oh yes! As I was saying I have the ability to-

Mysterious Assassin's gun: BANG BANG!

Nathan: GAK! GAK! Oh no! I have succumbed to the virus! I mean I've been shot.

* * *

Angela: Yes, I know it had to be done. I hope you realise that you have unleashed Pandora's Box.

* * *

Exterminator: (On the phone) Look, lady, I know you were fond of those bees, but it had to be done, they would have brought the foundations down-AAAAAAAH! BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!

Vengeful Bees: BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

_Will the exterminator survive his deadly bee encounter? Will Nathan survive his deadly bullet encounter? Will Caitlin ever get rescued? Don't miss the exciting continuation of 'Heroes Abridged (With Commentary)': 'Heroes: Supervillains'! Coming soon to a fanfiction website near you._

_

* * *

_

Commentator: I say, Professor, this ending seemed alot better in the original ending.

Professor: How so, Bakura?

Commentator: Well, instead of them trying to expose the Company and Nathan getting shot, instead you had them trying to secure the building, warning the world of the virus and Nathan succumbing. That would explain why Peter remained in the present given that the apocalyptic future he was trying to save Caitlin from was still around. It just seemed more exciting that's all, this new ending seemed rather dull.

Professor: Well Sir, they didn't have a choice. They had to wrap up everything in Season 2 given the writer's strike.

Commentator: Why not just keep the original ending and continue the next planned volume the next season? That way you keep what they originally intended, the original exciting ending and you keep the audience wanting to know what will happen given the huge cliffhanger!

Professor: ...Sir, it's a shame you weren't on the writing staff.

Commentator: Yes I know.


End file.
